Okay, so maybe I exaggerated that last conversation just a little bit. Grandpa might have actually said something along the lines of “We’d need someone really, really brave.” I felt that it’s all right to make this swap, however, since bravery and stoopidity are practically one and the same.

There’s a mathematical formula for it: STU = BVE. That reads, quite simply, “A person’s stoopidity is greater than or equal to their bravery.” Simple, eh?

Oh, you want proof? You expect me to justify my ridiculous assertions? Well, all right. Just this once.

Look at it this way. If a man stumbled accidentally into a trap set by a group of Librarian agents, we’d think him stoopid. Right? However, if he charges valiantly into that same trap knowing it’s there, he’d be called brave. Think about that for a moment. Which sounds dumber? Accidentally falling into the trap or choosing to fall into it?

There are plenty of ways to be stoopid that don’t involve being brave. However, bravery is—by definition—always stoopid. Therefore, your stoopidity is at least equal to your level of bravery. Probably greater.

After all, reading that ridiculous explanation probably made you feel dumber just by association. (Reading this book sure is brave of you.)